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For men, shame issues are directly related to sexual performance, and definitions of masculinity. There is just no pretending; He either ejaculates or he does not.

For the male, part of sexual performance has to do with getting and maintaining an erection. If he fails to ejaculate he feels less like a real man.

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It goes without saying that masturbation occurs in isolation, at least under these circumstances, and the wife or partner is not involved in this solo activity. Why do so many men view porn in private and keep it secret from their wives, even from those wives who are willing partners in jointly viewing pornography as a "turn on" preceding foreplay and intercourse? One of the reasons why men who are married, engaged to be married, or have a girl friend with whom they are sexually active, engage in the viewing of pornography in secret has to do with an emotion we recently visited called shame.

Let us see if we can figure out some answers instead of engaging in condemnation. As has been stated in other weblog entries on this site, shame has to do with deep feelings of self-disapproval.

In addition to issues of performance for the male is the issue of genital size and appearance.

Beginning with adolescence it is common for boys to compare penis size with one another.

Children who were abused, targets of corporal punishment at the hands of parents, or who were otherwise mistreated gain joy out of pornography by identifying themselves with the sadist in these photos and movies.

In other words, they become the masters and the women become the slaves.

Would it not be better to try and understand what is happening here between males and females and, through that understanding, develop better ways to cope with this problem?

Part of the reason why women are so angry about internet pornography is that it takes their men away from the family and from themselves.

For women, feelings of shame often have to do with body image issues.

Women compare themselves to other women and fear that they are not thin enough, shapely enough, or large breasted enough to fit the stereotypical view of what is defined as a beautiful woman.

Why do men engage in viewing pornography both in secrete and in isolation? How can we help men and women understand one another so as to better avoid the bitterness and anger that easily comes between them on this issue? We have had several females state their intention to end their relationship with their male partner and at least one woman has asked if she should break her engagement and impending marriage over the pornography controversy.

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