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For people that haven’t yet fully realized that all of us need to be emotionally responsible (which is most people), this is where much of the pain of the breakup originates from (they blame themselves for not “measuring up”…or they blame the other person for not “making them happy”… It’s incredibly painful to believe that someone else could be responsible for your emotions or that you could possibly be responsible for their emotions.It changes the guy and, in turn, changes the relationship.

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When we believe something that is out of alignment with reality, we suffer…

To wrap up this point: Most people can’t recognize when they believe something impossible, nor can they see the false belief as the source for all of the suffering…

When a person (male or female) realizes that only they themselves can be responsible for their emotions, actions, and reactions…

they break the chain of seeking a sense of OK-ness externally.

I don’t think it’s that guys don’t want to deal with the breakup…

I think it’s more that they wouldn’t even know how or where to begin… but if I could go back and tell my 15-year-old self a piece of advice about breakups, it would be, “If you get dumped, just move on right away.

It’s painful because it’s a belief that something that is impossible is could be possible…

and therefore sets countless impossible expectations into motion.

Recently the subject of guys and breakups came up and Sabrina and I went back and forth about what guys generally go through when they breakup.

It came down to be too much to put into the article I was writing, so we decided that I should throw it all into an installment of “Decoding Male Behavior.” To start, I wanted to write this article to dispel some of the misconceptions I’ve heard in regards to men and breakups.

In the case where you dumped the guy, one common reason is that the guy doesn’t want to be alone, he doesn’t want to deal with his grief over the breakup and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.” When he jumps into another relationship, he can get a dose of external female validation and derive a feeling of false sense of self-esteem and self-worth from her positive attention.

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