But there’s an even more direct route to creating a feeling of connection and closeness.
Even when we can logically see that someone isn’t good for us, if our hearts tug us toward Ms. If you meet someone for coffee and there isn’t instant chemistry, chances are that one or both of you will decline to keep dating.
The truth is, “sparks” and instant attraction have very little to do with long-term happiness.
Research shows that doing something novel, risky or even frightening together helps people bond.
So if you meet for coffee and then get stuck in a major natural disaster together, you might just fall in love!
For instance, studies show that people are most attracted to the sweat scent of others who have different immune system strengths – which is great if you want to make sure the two of you can have healthy offspring.
People are also attracted to partners who are different from them in key genetic ways, which probably evolved as a way to keep us from mating with our relatives – since that would produce much higher rates of birth defects.
The take-home message is this: lust, attraction, limerence, feeling close and connected, and even “falling in love” aren’t actually mysterious.
They also don’t signal that you’re meant to be together. And once you understand what produces them, you don’t have to be stuck with the wrong women – or trying to force yourself to be with the right ones when it feels like there’s “nothing there.” Epstein says, “The more I’ve looked into the matter, the more I’ve come to believe that we can deliberately and systematically engineer deep, lasting romantic love…
The mistake we make is in leaving the entire process to chance – and also in assuming that there’s just one perfect person for us – the ‘soul mate.’ There are actually many people around us with whom we could very deliberately create a deep and lasting love.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating