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Updating my zip code on Seeking Arrangement, I spent weekends at the Plaza with one affluent senior citizen and visited another after my weekly puppet-making class. They were supposed to be a means to an end, but I still felt lost, devoid of ambition or any clear idea of what I wanted. Still, as more time passed, I couldn't help but feel haunted by what I was giving away.Dating Sugar Daddies felt like a natural, preferable alternative to submitting to marriage or a stressful career. For me, sex work had become a means of stalling—the ultimate distraction, vocationally and intimately. Every time I saw couples together I wondered, why don't I want to share my life with someone?
Everything seemed innocent to me then, even when it wasn't.
Acknowledging this confusing part of my past was important for my own self-understanding.
Friday, I met a software engineer with a foot fetish.
Sex was never a requirement on Seeking Arrangement, though I found it was often the main aspiration for these men.
Thanks to my lucrative exploits, I was able to move to New York after graduation and pursue many ventures: I tried internships, enrolled in a film course, and performed off-Broadway. Three months later, back in New York, I was seeing no one. "I believed I'd acted deliberately, pragmatically, as a conscious adult.
In my spare time, I cultivated tomato plants, beat every level of Candy Crush, and taught Zumba to the elderly—sleeping with rich men who treated me like their paid princess was my secret second life. I was hopeful about returning to school, but without the Daddies I lacked direction. Becoming a Sugar Baby was not the path I'd envisioned for myself, but I viewed it as part of my journey to a life of stability—and human connection.
After my depression and eating disorders, they were relieved I was functioning—grateful that I was even alive."We just want you to be happy," said my mother. "That's why I never left you alone with him when you were little," she said.
"He did things, when I was growing up—."As a small child, I'd learned that the closer I was with him, the more gifts he'd bring me: Cadbury eggs, Madame Alexander dolls, raspberry candies in little round tins.
From age 22 to 26, I juggled 30 different men between the ages of 42 and 75, and made close to 0,000 in total.
Rich was the first to message: "Nice clavicle," he wrote, referencing my anonymously-cropped profile photo—much akin to that of Keogh's character in the series.
I was astounded to realize I could get paid to wear a slinky dress, sip cocktails, and chat, just as I'd done for free with guys my age.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating